Ex-England star Jermaine Jenas: 'I've found it hard to make peace with my football career'

Jermaine Jenas was born in February 1983 in Nottingham. He began his career at Nottingham Forest, making his debut aged 17 in January 2001. After establishing himself in the Forest first team as a central midfielder he was signed by Newcastle United in 2022, where he won the PFA Young Player of the Year award in his first full season.

He made his full England debut on February 2003 aged 19 and went on to earn 21 caps for his country over the following six years. In August 2005, Jenas was sold to Tottenham Hotpsur for an initial fee of £7 million. During his time at Spurs he won the League Cup (2008) but injuries became an increasing problem. After loan spells at Aston Villa and Nottingham Forest, he finished his career with a move for Queens Park Rangers in 2013, before injury forced his retirement the following year.

While recuperating from injury, Jenas began working as a football pundit, becoming an increasingly familiar figure on BT Sport and Match of the Day. In recent years, he has branched out to other TV presenting roles including a regular slot on The One Show.

Speaking to The Big Issue for his Letter to my Younger Self, Jermaine Jenas reflects on encountering racism as a child, his youthful obsession with football and an unlikely second career

At 16, I had one passion and that was football. For a lot of athletes, that is what separates us from our friends. Our focus, our drive, our determination, our sacrifice and also the luxury of knowing what we want to do. Getting there and doing it is the difficult part. But the plans were set out in my mind and I was putting that into practice in terms of work and discipline and not going to parties, not drinking all the time.  

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If I had another hobby, I’d be taking focus from what I’m trying to do. So there was no room for hobbies. My life was playing football every single minute of every single day. Even at family parties, I’d be there for two minutes with my football, then I’d be out in the garden trying to hone every skill element of the game I loved.  

I grew up in Clifton, which was one of the biggest council estates in Europe. It’s just pure poverty there. But there was a lot of love on our estate. And it was my training ground. It made me who I am today, So I’ll always be thankful for it – I would be out there when the street lights were on and it was pitch black. My friends would be getting pulled off the street to go to bed and I’d always be the last one, just kicking the ball against a hedge.  

Our house was full of sport. Football was always on the telly and my dad played semi-professionally, my mum was doing Taekwondo. On top of that I had parents who were reasonably demanding. My dad, in particular, when it came to football. He fell short, essentially. Being a semi-professional footballer is no mean feat, but it’s not what he planned and he knows where he fell short. So he didn’t want me to do the same. I knew I was different from the age of seven. I was playing with kids four years older than me but was still the best player. By 16, I was really focused. I had just left school and things were developing at Nottingham Forest. I knew I was close. 

John Barnes was a big hero of mine. I used to get up every single morning and watch two VHS videos. One called The John Barnes Story, and another called 101 Great Goals. The only other one I had was The Goonies – I could recite every word of the script. But John Barnes stood out – coming from Jamaica, dealing with all the racism. My dad was big on black men, what they had to go through, particularly in the 1970s and 1980s, and understanding the importance of players like John Barnes, Cyrille Regis, Laurie Cunningham and Viv Anderson. These guys paved the way for people like myself to play the game with an enjoyment and without so much hatred.  

I grew up in a predominantly white area. Cities are more multicultural and mixed now, but when I grew up in Nottingham, there were a couple of black areas, an Asian area and everyone stuck to their own parts. My dad was a black man going out with a white woman, which was not the norm. I would hear a lot of things said to my mum. And on numerous occasions, my ball would go over next door’s garden and I’d run to get it and hear: ‘you little black this or that’. But my mum was my biggest defender. Nobody was messing with us and she never let anything slide. She was never someone to just turn a blind eye – you’d go knock on that person’s door. That stuck with me because I felt protected. It gave me a great education in terms of racism and the ability to talk about it freely. Some families might not be racist but have been raised to use certain language. And that can be changed. So I understand racism from every aspect. 

There was a lot of love in our house, but my mum and dad split up when I was eight, which had a big impact on me. I had to become the man of the house at a young age. There was a lot of pressure, from the age of 14, to succeed at football. I didn’t know at the time, but Nottingham Forest were helping my mum pay the mortgage on the basis that I was performing on the pitch. But those responsibilities helped me become a footballer. You have to grow up quickly in the world of football. I captained every team I played for, and all the managers would say I was old beyond my years.  

I don’t have a bad word to say about my younger self. Arguably, I was at my peak around that time. Because I had no money, I had nothing but football. There is a pureness in that. I started to evolve, got big moves, played for England and the money arrived – and all that dilutes an element of who you are. But at 16 I had the love of my family, the support of good friends and an unwavering belief in myself. There wasn’t anybody that could tell me that I was not going to make it as a footballer. I knew how close I was. I’m sometimes envious of that boy. Even though he didn’t have much, he had everything at the same time.  

There are sharks everywhere in football. So I would tell my younger self to educate himself properly. We’re not taught about financial stuff in school but all of a sudden, I was 18 years old, getting signed by Newcastle United as the third most expensive teenager on the planet, and given all this money. I was buying cars. I was going crazy. It sounds like a dream, but nobody in my family had ever had money so nobody could tell me what to do.  

You have to have good people around you, and I’ve always had my two best friends. Craig and Warren are very down-to-earth lads and kept me grounded. When I bought my first Ferrari and came back to Nottingham thinking I was the guy, they said, no one’s got any money, just leave it at home and come for a drink. They were there to give me a slap on the head if got too big for my boots. 

I’ve always loved quite hard. But I’d tell my younger self to take more care in terms of other people’s feelings. As you get older, you have partners, kids arrive and you’ve got to figure out how you knit them into everything. It’s difficult when you’re a young man in the world that I was in. Everything’s thrust upon you. But if we were having a conversation about love, he’d look at me and say, well done. I’ve been with my wife for 15 years, we’ve been married for 12, and I’ve got four unbelievable kids. So given the house that I grew up in, I think he’d be quite proud of where I’m at.  

The biggest gift my parents have given me is the ability to raise children. My dad has always been great with kids – so comfortable holding babies, talking to kids, changing nappies. All the hands-on stuff men of a certain era wouldn’t get involved in. And that’s me too. From having my first baby 16 years ago, changing nappies was like second nature to me. I hope my kids would read this in 20 years and say they always felt love and guidance and support from their dad. And that I always pushed them to be great. Because they’re going to get the same pressure I used to get when I was younger!  

I didn’t do what I set out to achieve in football. It’s not spoken about enough in sport – we see all the success stories but there’s more people that live with regrets. I played for England, played Champions League football, went to a World Cup, won a major trophy, and played in every great stadium there is. But I think if I was to tell my younger self, he would have said that’s good, but you should have done more. It’s something I’ve found very hard to make peace with. Even saying it now physically makes me feel sick. So I have to tell myself well done, you achieved things in the game. But from a sporting perspective, my younger self would ask me a few questions.  

None of us saw a future for me on television. When I found that I was never going to play football again, it was really hard. Dragging myself from that place – because it was lonely, man. You’re not speaking to your friends, you’ve got nowhere to go, you’re not going to train – it is a horrible place to be. I just didn’t see this coming. I didn’t plan for it. It wasn’t like when I was younger and had a vision for the next 10 or 15 years. So at first it was just about getting through the next day. And then I started to dream about this second career. So my younger self would look at me and be in awe that I’ve done Match of The Day and interviewed Dolly Parton on The One Show.  

If I could relive a day from my career it would be when I was PFA Young Player of the Year [in 2003]. I was 19 years old, sitting with Sir Bobby Robson who had bought me for a lot of money the year before, and it felt like I had paid him back. The gamble was justified. Alan Shearer, Kieron Dyer and the Newcastle chairman were there and to get up in front of the PFA and for them to have voted for me was huge. I underestimated it a bit at a time. But there’s no greater feeling than being honoured by your fellow professionals. I wouldn’t mind living that day again because it was it was a long journey to get there.  

I’m always looking forward and dreaming and chasing new goals. But if I could tell my younger self one more thing it would be to enjoy your football career. Really enjoy every single minute of it. Try to take it all in a bit more because it went too quickly. I blinked and it was over. So take in every single feeling – the wins and the losses, the hurt, the pain and the joy. And just strap in. Because it’s going to be a lively one. 

Jermaine Jenas hosts Formula E on TNT Sports 

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