Why are self-employed dads like me being forced to make an impossible choice?

When my first child was born, I wanted to do what every father should be able to do – be there. Not just for the big moments, but for the quiet ones too. The first bath, the late-night rocking, the look in my partner’s eyes that said, please don’t leave me to do this alone.

But like so many self-employed dads, I was forced to make an impossible choice. I had no paternity leave. No safety net. After just nine days, I was back at work, still sleep-deprived, still figuring out how to be a dad. It broke my heart. And it breaks my heart even more to know that nothing has changed for the dads facing this today.

We’re told that fatherhood matters. We’re encouraged to be hands-on, to support our partners, to step up for our children. But how can we do that when the system refuses to step up for us?

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A system that takes, but doesn’t give

Every year, self-employed dads across the UK will file their tax returns and hand over £1.1bn in National Insurance (NI) contributions. That’s money meant to fund the very services that keep society running.

And yet, when our children are born, we get nothing back. No paternity leave. No financial support. No time to be present.

Meanwhile, employed dads – who already receive the bare minimum – at least get two weeks of statutory paternity leave at £184.03 per week. And self-employed mothers? They receive maternity allowance for up to 39 weeks.

The government knows how important it is for new parents to have time at home. They know that parental leave is vital for a child’s development, for a mother’s recovery, for a family’s stability. They know that self-employed dads are paying into the system.

So why are they ignoring us?

Fatherhood shouldn’t be a luxury

Every year, 39,000 self-employed men in the UK become fathers. They are builders, electricians, delivery drivers, freelancers, small business owners – men who keep this country running.

And yet, a survey of 2,000 self-employed tradesmen found that:

• One in three (30%) didn’t take a single day off when their last child was born
• 55% struggled to balance work and family
• 53% felt unsafe at work due to exhaustion
• 47% struggled to support their partner in those crucial early weeks

What kind of message does this send? That fatherhood is optional? That the only parents who deserve support are those with a corporate payroll number? That if you dare to work for yourself, you must do so at the expense of your family?

It’s time for the government to catch up

In Italy, Belgium, Sweden, Slovakia and Finland, self-employed fathers receive the same parental leave as employed dads. These countries understand that fatherhood isn’t a privilege – it’s a responsibility.

Yet here in the UK, politicians pay lip service to family values while ignoring the self-employed dads who are doing everything in their power to build better futures for their children.

George Gabriel, co-founder of The Dad Shift, has had enough. “Self-employed dads have every reason to be furious,” he says. “This is about decent working blokes who pay their way and get nothing in return. If Labour wants to prove they’re on the side of working families, they can start by closing this loophole.”

And he’s right. Because this isn’t about handouts – it’s about fairness. If self-employed dads are paying into the system, then the system should be there for them.

Fathers shape the next generation – let’s give them a fighting chance

Ask any dad what he remembers about those first weeks of fatherhood, and it won’t be spreadsheets or invoices. It’ll be the weight of his newborn in his arms. The feeling of his partner finally getting some rest. The desperate exhaustion and the overwhelming love all rolled into one.

That time matters. It matters to mothers, who shouldn’t be left to recover alone. It matters to babies, whose first bonds shape their world. And it matters to fathers, who deserve the right to show up fully for their families.

The government has an opportunity to do the right thing. To acknowledge that dads deserve time to be dads. To fix a system that punishes self-employed fathers for choosing to work independently. To finally give these families the support they need.

We can change this. But only if we speak up. If we demand better. If we refuse to let another generation of dads be shut out of their own fatherhood.

Because fatherhood isn’t just about providing – it’s about presence. And no dad should have to choose between the two.

Marvyn Harrison is the co-founder of The Dad Shift.

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