I went looking for incels – among all the hate and bile, I found some signs of hope

There are dark corners of the internet where lost and lonely wee guys gather. They arrive there (mostly, I maybe naively think) looking for pals, looking for some other equally down-on-their-luck people to talk to, looking to feel a little less alone. Looking, perhaps, for answers. These are incels.

An incel is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as, “a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile towards women and men who are sexually active”. A portmanteau of involuntary celibates.

These guys can’t get girlfriends. They can’t, they say, even get women to look at them without feeling sick. Maybe because of their lack of height, their race, their hairline, their jawline, even the lack of thickness of their wrists. They believe they are genetically inferior, compared to what they call ‘chads’ – hyper-masculine, promiscuous, muscular, tall, handsome, thick-wristed men with jaws sculpted from marble.

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And so they stumble into these forums where black-pill ideology awaits them – which states that there is nothing they can do to improve their prospects with women. “It’s not your fault you’re like this,” they’ll be told. “You shouldn’t desire women; you should hate them. Feminism is your real enemy.”  

These online forums are where I found myself researching for my new novel Hermit. It involves a guy called Jamie and his maw, Fiona. The pair butt heads due to Jamie’s lack of hygiene and any sort of motivation to find a job after leaving school three years ago with no qualifications. Soon Jamie’s only pal, Lee, introduces him to the world of incels. I wanted to show how easily young men can be drawn in, and how quickly it can poison their minds. 

I first came upon the world of incels through Reddit around 2016 and was grimly fascinated. I read through a glossary of the terms they used in their forums: ‘Looksmaxxing’ is the process of improving your looks to attract a woman and escape inceldom. (One insane tip I saw suggested hitting your face with a hammer to cause microfractures in the bone underneath which will, they say, grow a stronger, better jawline.) Women, or ‘foids’, can be divided into Staceys and Beckys. Buxx is money. KHHV means a kissless, handholdless, hugless virgin.

Misogyny probably isn’t a strong enough word to ascribe to the things written in these forums. Men and boys spout hateful bile, advocate sexual violence and post their deranged ‘revenge’ fantasies. Women are evil for not wanting to sleep with them, they say. Feminism has resulted in them being ostracised from society. They call each other ugly as sin and say that no amount of looksmaxxing will help.

It’s hard to believe that such nihilistic and hateful ideology came from a place of good intentions. Alana’s Involuntary Celibacy Project was a website started in 1997 by a woman in her mid-20s. Alana created the site for people struggling with dating. She coined the term ‘incel’. One couple who met on the site even got married.

Alana moved away from the community around the year 2000, before it became dominated by bitter, angry men. Almost 15 years later, Elliot Rodger, a self-described incel and member of these forums, killed six people in a shooting and stabbing spree in California before turning the gun on himself.

What the world of incels has become is a far cry from what Alana hoped it would be. But among the hate and bile, some signs of hopefulness can be found. R/IncelExit on Reddit offers nonjudgmental advice for anyone who seeks to leave that world behind. ‘Normal’ men talk to them and help them see women, and themselves, in a better light.  

From what I saw on these forums, I think there is a lot of grooming going on – slightly older men enjoying a sense of power over very vulnerable younger guys. There were more than a few posts which mentioned growing up in horrifically abusive homes, in poverty, dealing with learning difficulties and physical disabilities, just wee guys who’ve been dealt an unbelievably bad hand in life who are thinking this is maybe the only community that’ll have them, a chance to not feel so lonely, and before they know it, they’ve had their brains completely poisoned.

I’m not saying this to excuse their abhorrent behaviour or views, but rather to highlight the impact of cuts to mental health services in this country and beyond and the need for men who’d say they are disgusted by incels to stand up and be better role models. 

We need to talk to the boys and young men in our lives – sons, brothers, cousins, friends and colleagues – to make sure they’re OK, to lift them up, to challenge them on their views and to be the role models they need. To show them that Andrew Tate et al aren’t the saviours they think they are. To show them what good men really look like. 

Chris McQueer’s Hermit is out on 27 February (Headline, £18.99). You can buy it from the Big Issue shop on bookshop.org, which helps to support Big Issue and independent bookshops.

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