Advertisement
For £35 you can help a vendor keep themselves warm, dry, fed, earning and progressing
BUY A VENDOR SUPPORT KIT
TV

I'm a TV reviewer and have just started watching Line of Duty

Spurned the most explosive TV drama of our times? Think you’re too good for an old-fashioned, weekly BBC show? Lucy Sweet has some questions to answer

Line of Duty is the biggest show on TV. Photo: BBC/Photographer: Steffan Hill

Line of Duty is the biggest show on TV. Photo: BBC/Photographer: Steffan Hill

Be gentle with those of us who are just discovering Line of Duty. Yes, there are a few still left out there. Forgive us, because we do not know what we do. We are sad little AC-12 virgins loitering outside the interrogation room of life, while the real drama is happening inside. Personally speaking, I have no excuses or alibis. As a TV reviewer, it’s extremely embarrassing that it passed me by for so long. It’s a bit like a chef saying: “Have you heard about this amazing ingredient called…CHICKEN?”

But I just couldn’t. I don’t know why. It just seemed so… BBC. So ‘cover of the Radio Times’. The sort of thing your mum might be watching while you’re getting ready to go out. It was created by a guy called Jed Mercurio – surely a stage hypnotist from Blackpool who makes women called Sheila think they’re an ostrich.

It was a revolving door of jobbing British actors whose names you could never remember. It was full of boring acronyms and paperwork. Why bother with that when you could watch a darkly glamorous smorgasbord of Scandi crime candy instead, and brush up on your Danish swearwords while you were at it?

I’m only on series three of Line of Duty. I still haven’t seen DS Steve Arnott’s full collection of waistcoats

Yet here I am, in the dying embers of lockdown 47, chugging it like cheap ale in a freezing beer garden. Oh how I’ve changed my tune. Every night is LoD night. I watch in awe at everyone’s ability to remember their lines, especially ones like “If you’ll refer to document eight in your folder you’ll see photo 2463-LP4 where you can clearly see that you contravened the Firearms Act 1987 section 642 brackets 4.7 which is tantamount to a dereliction of duty. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT, FELLA?”.

One minute I’m hooting at some plot hole or preposterous cliche, next I’m gasping in shock and screaming ‘Mother of God!’ into the sofa cushions. There are more bent coppers in my living room than in a penny falls machine at the fair.

Support The Big Issue and our vendors by signing up for a subscription.

Advertisement
Advertisement

Yes, I know this is old news to most of you. I’m only just discovering Ted Hastings’ mellifluous mastery of procedural nitty gritty and his grand nose, which seems to occupy a different weather system. I still haven’t seen DS Steve Arnott’s full collection of waistcoats that he buys in packs of 10 from the boys’ section at Debenhams.

I’m only on series three, so you could probably destroy me with five years of spoilers. But please, spare me. There’s only one thing I’m interested in, and that’s Line of Duty. Please respect my privacy until I work out what the hell is going on and catch up with the rest of the universe. You never know, by the time the next series comes out, I might be on season four.

Advertisement

Change a vendor's life this Christmas

This Christmas, 3.8 million people across the UK will be facing extreme poverty. Thousands of those struggling will turn to selling the Big Issue as a vital source of income - they need your support to earn and lift themselves out of poverty.

Recommended for you

View all
Xena: Warrior Princess star Lucy Lawless: 'To have Lisa Simpson say your name is crazy'
Letter to my Younger

Xena: Warrior Princess star Lucy Lawless: 'To have Lisa Simpson say your name is crazy'

Chris McCausland: 'I'd tell my younger self he's going to sit on the same toilets as his heroes'
Letter To My Younger Self

Chris McCausland: 'I'd tell my younger self he's going to sit on the same toilets as his heroes'

'Don’t judge the person you’re playing': Say Nothing actor Josh Finan on playing Gerry Adams
Josh Finan as Gerry Adams in Say Nothing
TV

'Don’t judge the person you’re playing': Say Nothing actor Josh Finan on playing Gerry Adams

Chris McCausland reveals why he almost turned down Strictly Come Dancing (again)
Chris McCausland and Dianne Buswell during their Couple's Choice dance on Strictly Come Dancing
TV

Chris McCausland reveals why he almost turned down Strictly Come Dancing (again)

Most Popular

Read All
Renters pay their landlords' buy-to-let mortgages, so they should get a share of the profits
Renters: A mortgage lender's window advertising buy-to-let products
1.

Renters pay their landlords' buy-to-let mortgages, so they should get a share of the profits

Exclusive: Disabled people are 'set up to fail' by the DWP in target-driven disability benefits system, whistleblowers reveal
Pound coins on a piece of paper with disability living allowancve
2.

Exclusive: Disabled people are 'set up to fail' by the DWP in target-driven disability benefits system, whistleblowers reveal

Cost of living payment 2024: Where to get help now the scheme is over
next dwp cost of living payment 2023
3.

Cost of living payment 2024: Where to get help now the scheme is over

Strike dates 2023: From train drivers to NHS doctors, here are the dates to know
4.

Strike dates 2023: From train drivers to NHS doctors, here are the dates to know