As children return to school with a lunchbox full of hand sanitiser sandwiches, this feels like a good time to impart some important knowledge. So today’s lesson will be about my favourite reality show Selling Sunset. Please sit down in your designated seat, take copious notes and I’ll begin.
01. It’s a TV show about an estate agency
Selling Sunset is the wholesome tale of West Hollywood real estate company Oppenheim, which is run by two tiny bald twin brothers called Jason and the other guy whose name I can never remember. They only seem to employ ultra-glam women with high heels, tiny dogs and attitude problems. I wonder why? Oh wait – it’s because hot women sell hot property – the kind of property that costs $50m and has astroturf golf courses on the roof. Basically, it’s like Location, Location, Location, but tedious Tory bulldozer Kirstie Allsopp has been replaced with six botoxed glamazons and Phil has been chopped in half.
02. The main ‘character’ is called Chrishell
No, she’s not off-brand toilet paper – Chrishell is our heroine, a burnished, caramel-haired angel on this Earth who just wants to sell houses and get rich. No wonder – Chrishell literally grew up in hell, born into trailer-park poverty and always labelled the smelly kid at school. Now she’s just trying to get ahead, godammit. Get this woman a six-figure commission and all the salad she wants, I don’t care if she’s actually quite annoying!
03. The outfits are incredible