LGBTQ+ kids worry their straight parents won't accept them. Here's one way to fix that

Olive Watt was 16 when she came out to her mum. It was “a positive experience” – with a few small hiccups.

“She was very supportive. She even gave me a card,” Olive tells Big Issue. “It did have a man and a woman on it. But that’s OK.”

Here, Tessa – Olive’s mum – chips in: “And a little rainbow unicorn!” she adds. “It also had the little decoration of the little rainbow.” That was a cake topper, Olive says, but agrees that it doesn’t matter and that “the spirit was definitely there”.

Chatting to the Big Issue over Zoom, the pair are clearly comfortable talking about Olive’s LGBTQ+ identity – heteronormative greeting cards notwithstanding.

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Unfortunately, not all queer young people are so lucky. Despite the majority (57%) of straight parents considering themselves to be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, a third (31%) of LGBTQ+ young people are still not confident that their parents will accept them, and almost half (46%) are estranged from at least one family member.

And according to young people’s LGBTQ+ charity Just Like Us, even those parents and carers who “want to be allies” often “aren’t sure where to begin”. It can translate as silence: a third of British parents have never spoken to their child about what LGBTQ+ means.

“Even if they think of themselves as supportive, a lot of parents are worried about saying the wrong thing,” Olive says. Tessa agrees: “I think people do have a lot of anxiety… they want to help but don’t always know how.”

Luckily, help is at hand. Just Like Us is publishing a brand-new guide for parents and carers on all things LGBTQ+. 

Created following consultation with more than 100 parents, carers and young people, the manual focuses on having positive and open conversations about LGBTQ+ topics and identities with children, and “showing them that difference is something to be celebrated”.

Topics covered include unlearning stereotypes about LGBTQ+ people, encouraging your child’s school to be inclusive, and how to support your child if they come out.

“Where there is silence,” the guide tells readers, “there is shame.”

Unfortunately, shame is still pervasive among young queer people. Section 28 – the law prohibiting the “promotion of homosexuality” in schools – may have been consigned to history, but the previous government issued guidance urging schools not to teach young people about “gender identity”.

At Olive’s strict Catholic school, teachers edited out LGBTQ+ references from the sex education curriculum.

Meanwhile, research from Just Like Us has shown that 78% of primary school pupils and 80% of secondary school pupils have heard homophobic language. A staggering eight in 10 young queer women say they’ve felt “ashamed” of their sexuality.

Supportive parents are crucial to tackling this problem, says Amy Ashenden, the guide’s author and director of communications and engagement at Just Like Us.

“Many LGBT+ young people struggle, even in families where parents aren’t homophobic, because sometimes there’s just a lack of knowledge of how to approach this topic,” she said.

Tessa “tried and put my love for my children first.” But she’s “sure she didn’t get everything right”; a manual would have helped.

Parents and young people surveyed by the guide reiterated this claim to researchers. “A guide would have been invaluable,” said Bridget, the “mother of a young lesbian.”

“Although we are close and supportive, there is so much more to being a good ally.”

The data suggests that it is increasingly difficult to be queer in Britain. From 2013 to 2023, homophobic and biphobic hate crimes in England and Wales escalated by 465%, according to the Office for National Statistics, while transphobic hate crimes surged by an astounding 1,211%. Identity has become increasingly politicised.

But discussions and conversations can help bridge this gap at home. Rush, a 22 year-old queer person, described the new manual as a “powerful tool to bridge the gap between family members”.

“What surprised me most was how much this guide also deepened my empathy for parents and carers who struggle with what it means to have an LGBTQ+ family member,” they added.

As a Just Like Us ambassador, Olive regularly goes into schools to deliver talks to school students.

“When you hear homophobia from kids, it’s often very obvious that it’s coming from their parents. It really trickles down.”

But she’s hopeful that things can get better.

“I think a lot of anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment isn’t rooted in malice, but is rooted more in ignorance,” she says.  “If it comes from a place of not knowing, then empowering people with knowledge can do a lot.”

And even if they’re worried about saying the wrong thing, a supportive parent or carer can do a lot for a young person.

Parental support for LGBTQ+ young people has been found to be “strongly protective in reducing mental health difficulties and improving wellbeing outcomes,” a 2024 study shows.

It rings true for Olive and her mum. Tessa was a vital support system when Olive was struggling with homophobia at her school.

“Fighting that would have been impossible without support at home,” she says. The admission makes Tessa “emotional”.

“As parents, we tend to be quite bad at listening to our children,” the mum of three explains. “But as they get older, you become a bit humbler, you realise they do have their own expertise and experience.”

“Obviously as a straight parent, you’re not going to have had any of those [LGBTQ+ specific] experiences. So it’s not like riding a bike or going to school or getting a job. It’s a completely different experience, so all the more reason to actually listen to your child and not just assume that you know best.”

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