I'm made to feel like a burden for claiming benefits from the DWP. It's not a way of life – it's torture

Every day I learn more about what I am to society. My lessons come from the media, from TV, online, the council, the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP), professionals, neighbours, the milkman, random strangers in the street. I am made to feel like an ever-flowing drain on the country’s resources and the taxes of “good” people, to stop wasting NHS time and money, the council’s housing stock, the planet’s oxygen. I am made to feel like an affront to everything that is right and decent.

There is something ugly about most forms of government which seeks to use the weakest to justify the actions and politics of the strongest and to gather the so-called forces of good against a common enemy. In order for this to succeed, those in power need to foster anger, hatred, otherness, a sense of being deceived by unworthy criminals who are denying their worthy counterparts a better life.

It’s easy to do. It’s seen as acceptable and justified because it has been used as propaganda. It is being used by successive governments in that way now, it seems as though there is a war campaign here in the UK against the most vulnerable members of society – those claiming sickness benefits and other forms of support who are most easily targeted and least able to fight back.

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I’m a woman in my 50s, on multiple sickness benefits for both physical and mental health conditions. I have multiple diagnoses including complex-PTSD from an emotionally abusive childhood, neurodivergence, severe depression with a history of suicidality and self-harm, osteoarthritis, dystonia, essential tremor, lymphoedema to name but a few. 

My diagnoses are documented by specialists and treatments are ongoing decades later, with little chance of significant change. I have worked in the past, paid taxes, gained promotions. I have O and A Levels, an MA, postgraduate qualifications. I didn’t choose this life. No one wakes up in the morning and decides to be viewed as a scourge on society, hated by all. It’s not a way of life. It’s torture and it takes from you the last vestiges of humanity.

My shame and self-disgust are heightened on a daily basis by headlines, opinion pieces, ministerial statements, the increased willingness of the general public to verbally and physically attack people they view as lesser, inferior. There is a direct correlation between public figures being increasingly accusatory, insulting and the number of people who feel emboldened to bring their hatred to the streets. 

At Christmas, I was sitting at my kitchen table facing suicidal thoughts and the first thing I read that morning was an online article quoting the CEO of a major bank telling everyone that people stay on sickness benefit because their maths is poor and they are unable to understand that in the long run they would be better off in work. Every day, I read and hear that I am lazy, stupid, entitled, greedy, a liar, scum, a cheat, a fraud, a burden on society. 

Apparently, I drink, smoke, have Sky and Netflix. (I don’t and I haven’t). I have had my disabilities mocked, my property damaged, malicious calls have been made to benefits hotlines for fun, out of hate, because lies have become truth even in public office, they just need to be repeated often enough. 

When you live with severe illness, life is challenging, more expensive, utterly exhausting. Other unforeseen problems will arise as consequences of the original issues. No one expects or wants pity, but the constant vitriolic attacks on our values, on who and what we are, on our very right to existence make life unbearable.

It’s like being in the ring with Mohammed Ali, except the bell never rings and your hands are tied behind your back. It’s being an animal in a cage, poked at with sharp stakes with no way of escape and all the while being told you deserve it, you need to be punished because you are nothing and bring nothing.

I have questions for politicians, for anyone with the agency to make change. I understand why these tactics and spin work for your agenda, but ultimately, how does making people more sick through blame, by actually adding to (or indeed causing trauma) and lessening self-worth so drastically  and often irrevocably that they no longer feel human or part of society, help them into a position where they can be part of the workforce, whether paid or voluntary?

And secondly, if you push people to the outer fringes of society, won’t their care and social needs, not to mention the ripple effect on family, become ever more expensive than humane initial responses ever would? My takeaway from the daily onslaught of untruths against people claiming sickness benefits is that there is only one aim, although it will never be spoken out loud. We should be encouraged to die, or at the very least, not helped to live.

Get help if you are struggling. Call Samaritans for free on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or visit samaritans.org for useful resources and advice on coping.

 Mind’s welfare benefits helpline supports anyone with mental health problems who is navigating the benefits and welfare system. Call them on 0300 222 5782. Mind also has a general helpline if you are struggling with your mental health, which you can reach on 0300 123 3393.

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