I was put into care after coming out as trans. But my loving foster family saw me for who I really was

When I was 11 years old, I remember my grandad dragging me out of my dad’s house and lecturing me for hours after I was outed to my family by my so-called best friend. He told me I was too young to know who I was. I remember sobbing on the drive as neighbours and the public walked past, no one stopping to help the situation. I felt outcast, alone, unloved. 

I have struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember, but after coming out as transgender, everything worsened. I lost my family support system – most of them looking down on me, seeing me as a black sheep staining their family with something wrong. What’s worse? I lost myself.  

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Over the next few years, I continued to face hate and abuse from peers, strangers and friends. My difference became something I feared, something I wanted to hide. My mental health issues continued to develop, and I ended up in a psychiatric unit at the age of 14. I remember the unit being so horrific that all I wanted was to get out, and if they were not going to let me die, I had to pretend I was OK. I eventually got discharged into foster care. It was terrifying. My mental health was worse than it had ever been and now I was going to live with strangers. I continued to struggle with mental health, but this time it was different.

I had found a loving, caring family. I remember crying on one of the first nights I was with my foster carers, and one came to sit with me – talking with me for hours, into the early hours of the morning. She listened. She cared. I no longer felt so alone. She did not care that I was different, she did not even see that I was. To her, I was just Evan Amery, a 15-year-old boy who had come into her care. As I stayed with them for longer, I slowly built back my confidence, found who I was again, became proud of my differences. 

My experiences with mental health and rejection are far from unique. There are thousands of children like me in foster care who need support. There are so many children in care that need a loving family like mine, but the care system needs to improve.

• Children growing up in care today are having a much worse time than I did
• One in 10 councils face effective bankruptcy as cost of placing children in care soars
• How privatisation of foster care is turning vulnerable children into money-making commodities

Though I had found a family, I still had limited access to mental health support, and limited access to a community. Then in 2023, through my foster carers, I found out about ‘Voices’, a creative writing competition for children in foster care across the UK run by the charity Coram Voice. The theme was “What is difference?” Immediately I wrote a poem to enter and submitted it, knowing that my experiences could signal to other children in care that they were not alone in feeling different. 

When I won the competition, I felt an overwhelming wash of pride flow through my body. I could see the other people in the room truly listening, truly feeling, knowing my experiences, knowing their own, and knowing they were not alone.  

I have always used creativity to express my emotions, to tell a story. At the time of the competition, I was in college studying performing arts. And winning solidified my passion to continue writing, continue directing, continue performing – telling a story. I am now in university working towards my bachelor’s degree in performance. I am a far more confident, happier and driven individual. I know who I am, I know my difference is a strength not a weakness, and I know that I want to be part of driving the change for more young people in care to find the same love and acceptance as I have.  

The care system has a long way to go in terms of support for young people. There are not enough foster carers to provide a family to the children in need; there’s not enough specialised training for professionals regarding mental health and minorities. But I want every young person in care to know that it is not scary. This is your new beginning, your opportunity to find yourself, find your passions, and find who you want to call your family. 

As my entry to the competition says, I now know that “difference is no longer something I fear, it is something I welcome now that I’m here”. 

Read Evan’s poem or enter The Voices creative writing competition for children
in care and young care leavers on Coram’s website.

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